...Clarity...

This is my moment of clarity
Knees shaking
Palms sweating
Eyes shifting between right and wrong
Decisions on the tip of my tongue leave my mouth dry
I'm searching for nourishing words of wisdom
In fountains withheld by memories
Gauge enthusiastic sentiments of courage
Bare hands folding, scratching at complex sanity
Now restricted from free thinking
Free emotions now cost tears
Dialectic heartbeats and tunnel visions
No, my moment of clarity is when my eyes no longer hide
That the pain contained behind this prose no longer feels like home
My stanzas lack depth
Nonchalant feelings and emotionless after thoughts
I'm burning bridges faster than I can build them
My sarcasm is infiltrated as truth
While my truth is stored in baggage that will never be claimed
I'm holding on to luggage that solely bares my name
Cause I
Seek
Feelings
Some other than my own
Notions etched in hieroglyphics
Take me back to ancestry where the simplicity of meanings are depicted as new age artifacts
Wholesome up bringing in traditional settings
Where the fight was not between you and I but I and you against the world
Creating life consented by our choices
Hear pin drops while we wait for our child's voice
His life was not a decision but a destiny
Not a mistake because lustful nights robbed us of thinking
Contemplating the after before the now
Sweat stained skin with champagne promises drunken with malt liquor reality
Burdening climaxes because we knew this time was different
No, our clarity is that we were never meant to be
Star and galaxies were not perceived in ribbons song by Stevie
Forcifying love when we barely like each other
Finding reasons to coexist because now our x and y chromosomes exist
Smiles brought by 3rd party heartbeats
Sadness found in harsh reality
This moment raped of your forever
Battered because we both said never
Screaming cause this is a disaster on another level
How did this happen to me, u, us
We were looking for love with lust
Shame misconstrued with understanding
Pain brought by a world whose too demanding
And we shared....a past
Walked separately then as one
Like moon and sun on solar planes
Similar to night and day but shared the same name
Pretended to need each other on squeaky bed frames
Moaned for forgiveness, prayed for change
Clutched for skin while we realized that nothing will ever be the same
Then the cry came
A moment a clarity with the next breath
Pregnancy test with two lines steals the beat in my chest
This is now destiny, not a decision, not a regret
I'm slowly packing baggage I can't handle
And I can't even finish the rest