Last time I wrote I’m sure it was about you
Maybe a way that I felt or tear I promised not to cry
I remember nights lying there wondering what it was that made me not good
Enough
Time has passed but the scars feel like yesterday
Heart cries like yesterday
And every emotion still feels the same
Close my eyes and still see myself kissing you
Don’t think that I ever stopped missing you
Just stopped thinking of you
And what love turned pain can do to a heart broken one too many times
Bruised beyond recognition
Nights seemed colder after you left
Darker as warm memories disappeared into reality
Distant laughter cursed the loneliest tear as your face starts to resemble lovers trapped in my past
Seems like I’ve stumbled onto familiar paths
I can still see my hurt in the moonlight, hear sorrow in the sunrise
And clutch onto lost breaths as sobs escape me
Funny how pain always feels the same regardless of the love
Wait…this wasn’t love
This was wanting beyond parallel dreams coupled with dust streaked happy endings that didn’t belong to me
Following my heart even when it remained lost
Searching for answers in words that live with questions
This was something unexplainable
...Again...
I erased this line
Rewrote it
Erased it
Rewrote it…again
We are here…again
And words can only explain what actions try to
Lost in emotions
Stuck on feelings that disguise themselves as valid
Speaking through the silence
Yelling because nothing will change
And the only thing we achieved is anger that is now bigger than the problem
I didn’t want good bye to be like this
But I envision my tomorrow being so much different
You can’t love where none resides
And you can’t appreciate what you don’t see exist
Write letters on paper just to fill the blame
Go through A-Z and back again just to end up here
Erasing words already lost against breath
Retrieving thoughts that have been given existence
My mistake was going against my hearts resistance to speak its mind
And this time is nothing but the last time all over
Again
I erased the last line and started all over
Again
Felt myself apologizing but I refuse to do that
Again
Maybe its pride but you can’t be the victim…
Again
So I tear words into these tears
Call this sadness meaning and finds it purpose as I cleanse my soul
This is what happens when egos take control
But who will be
The casualty?
Rewrote it
Erased it
Rewrote it…again
We are here…again
And words can only explain what actions try to
Lost in emotions
Stuck on feelings that disguise themselves as valid
Speaking through the silence
Yelling because nothing will change
And the only thing we achieved is anger that is now bigger than the problem
I didn’t want good bye to be like this
But I envision my tomorrow being so much different
You can’t love where none resides
And you can’t appreciate what you don’t see exist
Write letters on paper just to fill the blame
Go through A-Z and back again just to end up here
Erasing words already lost against breath
Retrieving thoughts that have been given existence
My mistake was going against my hearts resistance to speak its mind
And this time is nothing but the last time all over
Again
I erased the last line and started all over
Again
Felt myself apologizing but I refuse to do that
Again
Maybe its pride but you can’t be the victim…
Again
So I tear words into these tears
Call this sadness meaning and finds it purpose as I cleanse my soul
This is what happens when egos take control
But who will be
The casualty?
...Vulnerable Regret...
Your body’s not by my side
Craving like water to desert air, dry
Tears leak before eyes cry and I lick lips bruised with Passion’s despise
Coldest warmth finds my bed’s unspoken lies
As I remember the way you
Then the way I
And the way we
Felt
Suspended in the apparatus of affection
We shocked ourselves with this forbidden connection
Said the things our hearts suspected but tongues neglected
Too consumed in the pleasure of fear mingled with love’s rejection
Destroyed whispers against skin felt beyond our sense detection
I touched you with forever
Gave you thoughts outside of your mind
At night your mine
And that body you own is shared by more than my eyes
As we make …..
Sweat becomes regret’s disguise
And I still feel
You still feel
This feels so
Real
Breathing, barely
Orgasms screaming, heavy
Tears flood dreams
Carry emotions beyond body heat
Reality is our coldness
Pleased by my boldness?
Loneliness of my ……
Pleasure is never about me
When my tongue craves to feel you
Taste the sadness of this desire
See feelings in the color of real
Have you moaning with chills
This is more
You are more
Nothing more
But a night
And a tear
Craving like water to desert air, dry
Tears leak before eyes cry and I lick lips bruised with Passion’s despise
Coldest warmth finds my bed’s unspoken lies
As I remember the way you
Then the way I
And the way we
Felt
Suspended in the apparatus of affection
We shocked ourselves with this forbidden connection
Said the things our hearts suspected but tongues neglected
Too consumed in the pleasure of fear mingled with love’s rejection
Destroyed whispers against skin felt beyond our sense detection
I touched you with forever
Gave you thoughts outside of your mind
At night your mine
And that body you own is shared by more than my eyes
As we make …..
Sweat becomes regret’s disguise
And I still feel
You still feel
This feels so
Real
Breathing, barely
Orgasms screaming, heavy
Tears flood dreams
Carry emotions beyond body heat
Reality is our coldness
Pleased by my boldness?
Loneliness of my ……
Pleasure is never about me
When my tongue craves to feel you
Taste the sadness of this desire
See feelings in the color of real
Have you moaning with chills
This is more
You are more
Nothing more
But a night
And a tear
...Vulnerable Loneliness...
I need you during cold winters to keep me warm
Tired of ice dipped nights shared with lonely orgasms against my walls
Cotton sheets and imaginary body heat tease me
Causing friction between desires & hands roaming over skin lest the taste of your mouth
I bite lips and admire all the places you should be
Let nudity embrace me with minds like hearts racing
And my hands become
You
Wanting to feel the heat between my thighs
Fingers tread against my valley's rise & dip into the sweetness of my nectar
Heat warmer in places that don’t have faces
Back arched
Legs bent
Fingers moving in
Palms squeezing chest free
As heads fall back and orgasms escape me
Damn…
I need a lover
I want to fill the temporary emotions of another
With passion
With excuses that last until the condom is useless
I want us to last until the morning
Last until I am seeing your face for the first time
This wasn’t about forever
I’m only focused on now
Only focused on how you make my legs tremble as my lips begin to curl
Blow my back out
Making love to me like I’m your girl
Make love to me even though I said no kissing
Mind stuck on memories reminiscing
I remember how we started on the bed
Then hit the floor
Is this all in my head?
Or did you just beg for more?
Tired of ice dipped nights shared with lonely orgasms against my walls
Cotton sheets and imaginary body heat tease me
Causing friction between desires & hands roaming over skin lest the taste of your mouth
I bite lips and admire all the places you should be
Let nudity embrace me with minds like hearts racing
And my hands become
You
Wanting to feel the heat between my thighs
Fingers tread against my valley's rise & dip into the sweetness of my nectar
Heat warmer in places that don’t have faces
Back arched
Legs bent
Fingers moving in
Palms squeezing chest free
As heads fall back and orgasms escape me
Damn…
I need a lover
I want to fill the temporary emotions of another
With passion
With excuses that last until the condom is useless
I want us to last until the morning
Last until I am seeing your face for the first time
This wasn’t about forever
I’m only focused on now
Only focused on how you make my legs tremble as my lips begin to curl
Blow my back out
Making love to me like I’m your girl
Make love to me even though I said no kissing
Mind stuck on memories reminiscing
I remember how we started on the bed
Then hit the floor
Is this all in my head?
Or did you just beg for more?
...Is This Love?...
Is this love
Or is this deeper?
See, I’ve felt you before
Held you between one closed door as my soul opened another
We were mates before bodies
We were love before words and
I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you
Never dreamed awake until you
I count breaths between kisses
Press hands against chest
I feel my name each time your heart rest
Is this love?
This is love
Please be love
Please be something more than feelings
More than notions
Dripping like tears into catatonic oceans
I swim in you
Breathing
Drowning serendipity
Beautiful absurdity as I find that outside of dreams you’re here with me
And I
I want my body to be your home
Sleep against your skin and wake up to your Sun
See
We were lovers before creation
Paved the foundation for future generations
Together we built the first nation
And forever you will be my King
I lose myself in this daydream
I lose myself in the senselessness of your touch
Lose myself in the one thing I’ve wanted so much
Is this love?
Please be love
I’ve found love
In this feeling
...Thank you Corrine Bailey Rae for the inspiration :)...
Or is this deeper?
See, I’ve felt you before
Held you between one closed door as my soul opened another
We were mates before bodies
We were love before words and
I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you
Never dreamed awake until you
I count breaths between kisses
Press hands against chest
I feel my name each time your heart rest
Is this love?
This is love
Please be love
Please be something more than feelings
More than notions
Dripping like tears into catatonic oceans
I swim in you
Breathing
Drowning serendipity
Beautiful absurdity as I find that outside of dreams you’re here with me
And I
I want my body to be your home
Sleep against your skin and wake up to your Sun
See
We were lovers before creation
Paved the foundation for future generations
Together we built the first nation
And forever you will be my King
I lose myself in this daydream
I lose myself in the senselessness of your touch
Lose myself in the one thing I’ve wanted so much
Is this love?
Please be love
I’ve found love
In this feeling
...Thank you Corrine Bailey Rae for the inspiration :)...
...It's Been Awhile...
Today I looked at these empty pages and wondered what happened. What happened to the words that use to fill the spaces and somehow told the secrets I hide from myself? Maybe I stopped feeling or been so busy trying not to that I’ve forgotten that I still do it.
I never wanted to be a poet. I just always wanted to be real. To make sense of the tears. Make sense of the heartache and love I feel. This was never about mastering a craft. This was always about not feeling alone. See, the thing about poetry is you can never tell who this is about. What if these were all my stories? What if they were about someone else? Would it change the way you read between the lines? Would you be willing to write about what you hide in the dark?
Peace and Beautiful Beginnings
I never wanted to be a poet. I just always wanted to be real. To make sense of the tears. Make sense of the heartache and love I feel. This was never about mastering a craft. This was always about not feeling alone. See, the thing about poetry is you can never tell who this is about. What if these were all my stories? What if they were about someone else? Would it change the way you read between the lines? Would you be willing to write about what you hide in the dark?
Peace and Beautiful Beginnings
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