Last time I wrote I’m sure it was about you
Maybe a way that I felt or tear I promised not to cry
I remember nights lying there wondering what it was that made me not good
Enough
Time has passed but the scars feel like yesterday
Heart cries like yesterday
And every emotion still feels the same
Close my eyes and still see myself kissing you
Don’t think that I ever stopped missing you
Just stopped thinking of you
And what love turned pain can do to a heart broken one too many times
Bruised beyond recognition
Nights seemed colder after you left
Darker as warm memories disappeared into reality
Distant laughter cursed the loneliest tear as your face starts to resemble lovers trapped in my past
Seems like I’ve stumbled onto familiar paths
I can still see my hurt in the moonlight, hear sorrow in the sunrise
And clutch onto lost breaths as sobs escape me
Funny how pain always feels the same regardless of the love
Wait…this wasn’t love
This was wanting beyond parallel dreams coupled with dust streaked happy endings that didn’t belong to me
Following my heart even when it remained lost
Searching for answers in words that live with questions
This was something unexplainable
...Again...
I erased this line
Rewrote it
Erased it
Rewrote it…again
We are here…again
And words can only explain what actions try to
Lost in emotions
Stuck on feelings that disguise themselves as valid
Speaking through the silence
Yelling because nothing will change
And the only thing we achieved is anger that is now bigger than the problem
I didn’t want good bye to be like this
But I envision my tomorrow being so much different
You can’t love where none resides
And you can’t appreciate what you don’t see exist
Write letters on paper just to fill the blame
Go through A-Z and back again just to end up here
Erasing words already lost against breath
Retrieving thoughts that have been given existence
My mistake was going against my hearts resistance to speak its mind
And this time is nothing but the last time all over
Again
I erased the last line and started all over
Again
Felt myself apologizing but I refuse to do that
Again
Maybe its pride but you can’t be the victim…
Again
So I tear words into these tears
Call this sadness meaning and finds it purpose as I cleanse my soul
This is what happens when egos take control
But who will be
The casualty?
Rewrote it
Erased it
Rewrote it…again
We are here…again
And words can only explain what actions try to
Lost in emotions
Stuck on feelings that disguise themselves as valid
Speaking through the silence
Yelling because nothing will change
And the only thing we achieved is anger that is now bigger than the problem
I didn’t want good bye to be like this
But I envision my tomorrow being so much different
You can’t love where none resides
And you can’t appreciate what you don’t see exist
Write letters on paper just to fill the blame
Go through A-Z and back again just to end up here
Erasing words already lost against breath
Retrieving thoughts that have been given existence
My mistake was going against my hearts resistance to speak its mind
And this time is nothing but the last time all over
Again
I erased the last line and started all over
Again
Felt myself apologizing but I refuse to do that
Again
Maybe its pride but you can’t be the victim…
Again
So I tear words into these tears
Call this sadness meaning and finds it purpose as I cleanse my soul
This is what happens when egos take control
But who will be
The casualty?
...Vulnerable Regret...
Your body’s not by my side
Craving like water to desert air, dry
Tears leak before eyes cry and I lick lips bruised with Passion’s despise
Coldest warmth finds my bed’s unspoken lies
As I remember the way you
Then the way I
And the way we
Felt
Suspended in the apparatus of affection
We shocked ourselves with this forbidden connection
Said the things our hearts suspected but tongues neglected
Too consumed in the pleasure of fear mingled with love’s rejection
Destroyed whispers against skin felt beyond our sense detection
I touched you with forever
Gave you thoughts outside of your mind
At night your mine
And that body you own is shared by more than my eyes
As we make …..
Sweat becomes regret’s disguise
And I still feel
You still feel
This feels so
Real
Breathing, barely
Orgasms screaming, heavy
Tears flood dreams
Carry emotions beyond body heat
Reality is our coldness
Pleased by my boldness?
Loneliness of my ……
Pleasure is never about me
When my tongue craves to feel you
Taste the sadness of this desire
See feelings in the color of real
Have you moaning with chills
This is more
You are more
Nothing more
But a night
And a tear
Craving like water to desert air, dry
Tears leak before eyes cry and I lick lips bruised with Passion’s despise
Coldest warmth finds my bed’s unspoken lies
As I remember the way you
Then the way I
And the way we
Felt
Suspended in the apparatus of affection
We shocked ourselves with this forbidden connection
Said the things our hearts suspected but tongues neglected
Too consumed in the pleasure of fear mingled with love’s rejection
Destroyed whispers against skin felt beyond our sense detection
I touched you with forever
Gave you thoughts outside of your mind
At night your mine
And that body you own is shared by more than my eyes
As we make …..
Sweat becomes regret’s disguise
And I still feel
You still feel
This feels so
Real
Breathing, barely
Orgasms screaming, heavy
Tears flood dreams
Carry emotions beyond body heat
Reality is our coldness
Pleased by my boldness?
Loneliness of my ……
Pleasure is never about me
When my tongue craves to feel you
Taste the sadness of this desire
See feelings in the color of real
Have you moaning with chills
This is more
You are more
Nothing more
But a night
And a tear
...Vulnerable Loneliness...
I need you during cold winters to keep me warm
Tired of ice dipped nights shared with lonely orgasms against my walls
Cotton sheets and imaginary body heat tease me
Causing friction between desires & hands roaming over skin lest the taste of your mouth
I bite lips and admire all the places you should be
Let nudity embrace me with minds like hearts racing
And my hands become
You
Wanting to feel the heat between my thighs
Fingers tread against my valley's rise & dip into the sweetness of my nectar
Heat warmer in places that don’t have faces
Back arched
Legs bent
Fingers moving in
Palms squeezing chest free
As heads fall back and orgasms escape me
Damn…
I need a lover
I want to fill the temporary emotions of another
With passion
With excuses that last until the condom is useless
I want us to last until the morning
Last until I am seeing your face for the first time
This wasn’t about forever
I’m only focused on now
Only focused on how you make my legs tremble as my lips begin to curl
Blow my back out
Making love to me like I’m your girl
Make love to me even though I said no kissing
Mind stuck on memories reminiscing
I remember how we started on the bed
Then hit the floor
Is this all in my head?
Or did you just beg for more?
Tired of ice dipped nights shared with lonely orgasms against my walls
Cotton sheets and imaginary body heat tease me
Causing friction between desires & hands roaming over skin lest the taste of your mouth
I bite lips and admire all the places you should be
Let nudity embrace me with minds like hearts racing
And my hands become
You
Wanting to feel the heat between my thighs
Fingers tread against my valley's rise & dip into the sweetness of my nectar
Heat warmer in places that don’t have faces
Back arched
Legs bent
Fingers moving in
Palms squeezing chest free
As heads fall back and orgasms escape me
Damn…
I need a lover
I want to fill the temporary emotions of another
With passion
With excuses that last until the condom is useless
I want us to last until the morning
Last until I am seeing your face for the first time
This wasn’t about forever
I’m only focused on now
Only focused on how you make my legs tremble as my lips begin to curl
Blow my back out
Making love to me like I’m your girl
Make love to me even though I said no kissing
Mind stuck on memories reminiscing
I remember how we started on the bed
Then hit the floor
Is this all in my head?
Or did you just beg for more?
...Is This Love?...
Is this love
Or is this deeper?
See, I’ve felt you before
Held you between one closed door as my soul opened another
We were mates before bodies
We were love before words and
I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you
Never dreamed awake until you
I count breaths between kisses
Press hands against chest
I feel my name each time your heart rest
Is this love?
This is love
Please be love
Please be something more than feelings
More than notions
Dripping like tears into catatonic oceans
I swim in you
Breathing
Drowning serendipity
Beautiful absurdity as I find that outside of dreams you’re here with me
And I
I want my body to be your home
Sleep against your skin and wake up to your Sun
See
We were lovers before creation
Paved the foundation for future generations
Together we built the first nation
And forever you will be my King
I lose myself in this daydream
I lose myself in the senselessness of your touch
Lose myself in the one thing I’ve wanted so much
Is this love?
Please be love
I’ve found love
In this feeling
...Thank you Corrine Bailey Rae for the inspiration :)...
Or is this deeper?
See, I’ve felt you before
Held you between one closed door as my soul opened another
We were mates before bodies
We were love before words and
I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you
Never dreamed awake until you
I count breaths between kisses
Press hands against chest
I feel my name each time your heart rest
Is this love?
This is love
Please be love
Please be something more than feelings
More than notions
Dripping like tears into catatonic oceans
I swim in you
Breathing
Drowning serendipity
Beautiful absurdity as I find that outside of dreams you’re here with me
And I
I want my body to be your home
Sleep against your skin and wake up to your Sun
See
We were lovers before creation
Paved the foundation for future generations
Together we built the first nation
And forever you will be my King
I lose myself in this daydream
I lose myself in the senselessness of your touch
Lose myself in the one thing I’ve wanted so much
Is this love?
Please be love
I’ve found love
In this feeling
...Thank you Corrine Bailey Rae for the inspiration :)...
...It's Been Awhile...
Today I looked at these empty pages and wondered what happened. What happened to the words that use to fill the spaces and somehow told the secrets I hide from myself? Maybe I stopped feeling or been so busy trying not to that I’ve forgotten that I still do it.
I never wanted to be a poet. I just always wanted to be real. To make sense of the tears. Make sense of the heartache and love I feel. This was never about mastering a craft. This was always about not feeling alone. See, the thing about poetry is you can never tell who this is about. What if these were all my stories? What if they were about someone else? Would it change the way you read between the lines? Would you be willing to write about what you hide in the dark?
Peace and Beautiful Beginnings
I never wanted to be a poet. I just always wanted to be real. To make sense of the tears. Make sense of the heartache and love I feel. This was never about mastering a craft. This was always about not feeling alone. See, the thing about poetry is you can never tell who this is about. What if these were all my stories? What if they were about someone else? Would it change the way you read between the lines? Would you be willing to write about what you hide in the dark?
Peace and Beautiful Beginnings
...With Me...
I touched your lips
Rose petal kisses like he loves me and loves me not
I tasted you like past as moments became new
And we shared love stories
That weren’t quite poetic
Made love feel like forever as good byes exhausted tears
And pretend that pain doesn’t lend motivation to the pen
Tomorrow was an illusion that feelings left behind
What ifs and could have beens
Touched on moments that never existed
Filled new dreams with hopes
As notes crescendo across lines like songs never wrote
I wanted you to feel different
To me
Pretend that this wasn’t love
And you weren’t hurt
Placed my arms around you
Whispered heartbeat secrets into ears that I pray the world never hears
You were my soul and I was your fear
And together we were perfect
Two shattered pieces looking for love to make us whole
I’d give you the world if it meant that much to you
Give you my heart if you promise this won’t be good bye
And touch the sky if you fly
With me
Rose petal kisses like he loves me and loves me not
I tasted you like past as moments became new
And we shared love stories
That weren’t quite poetic
Made love feel like forever as good byes exhausted tears
And pretend that pain doesn’t lend motivation to the pen
Tomorrow was an illusion that feelings left behind
What ifs and could have beens
Touched on moments that never existed
Filled new dreams with hopes
As notes crescendo across lines like songs never wrote
I wanted you to feel different
To me
Pretend that this wasn’t love
And you weren’t hurt
Placed my arms around you
Whispered heartbeat secrets into ears that I pray the world never hears
You were my soul and I was your fear
And together we were perfect
Two shattered pieces looking for love to make us whole
I’d give you the world if it meant that much to you
Give you my heart if you promise this won’t be good bye
And touch the sky if you fly
With me
...14...
It was innocence his hands were looking for
Searching for as his fingers laced the outline of her breast
She breathed deeply
Hoping someone would hear her weeping
As his hand began creeping down the side of leg
She prayed
To a God she barely knew anymore
Asked for her mother to walk through the door
For anyone to stop this man from raping her
She cried
Even when tears no longer made sense
Cried as his hands moved more aggressively along her breast
Felt his pants touch where her panties use to rest
She prayed for death to calm the heartbeat in her chest
Prayed until she found herself begging
Begging against the clasp of his hand against her lips
Could taste the fear that dripped from his pores
As his other hand explored the womanly frame of her 14 year old body
Couldn’t believe that her father was the man who laid between her knees
Or that God would once again deceive her
He said she asked for this
Asked to be touched in ways he no longer touched her mother
Started with gentle strokes at night when he tucked in her covers
Moved to him brushing against her in ways that made her shudder
Then threatening to beat her if she ever told another
Because after all she was his daughter and he is the father
And what they do
Nobody needs to know
Pushing against her as far as he could go
He tore her heart
And watched her bleed
Gave her nightmares instead of dreams
Burned a hole in her soul that her mother would never believe
And carefully wiped her tears as he got up to leave
Searching for as his fingers laced the outline of her breast
She breathed deeply
Hoping someone would hear her weeping
As his hand began creeping down the side of leg
She prayed
To a God she barely knew anymore
Asked for her mother to walk through the door
For anyone to stop this man from raping her
She cried
Even when tears no longer made sense
Cried as his hands moved more aggressively along her breast
Felt his pants touch where her panties use to rest
She prayed for death to calm the heartbeat in her chest
Prayed until she found herself begging
Begging against the clasp of his hand against her lips
Could taste the fear that dripped from his pores
As his other hand explored the womanly frame of her 14 year old body
Couldn’t believe that her father was the man who laid between her knees
Or that God would once again deceive her
He said she asked for this
Asked to be touched in ways he no longer touched her mother
Started with gentle strokes at night when he tucked in her covers
Moved to him brushing against her in ways that made her shudder
Then threatening to beat her if she ever told another
Because after all she was his daughter and he is the father
And what they do
Nobody needs to know
Pushing against her as far as he could go
He tore her heart
And watched her bleed
Gave her nightmares instead of dreams
Burned a hole in her soul that her mother would never believe
And carefully wiped her tears as he got up to leave
...She...
Stuck in the memories of you…then I
The way our bodies rised
I remember how she & I
Touched
I remember the way she felt
How her body laid before me
Barely giving feelings to the words she created
I unraveled the complex syntax she hid behind
Undressed her with words as my lips created emotions against her journal’s spine
She was my first
Lover
Laid with her on top of woven covers
We touched each other in ways the world would no longer recognize
Beyond the sight of human eyes
I gave her intimacy without opening my thighs
Gave her pleasure beyond a sexual guise
Hazed over highs from limerick style lies
So often I would run and hide
From her
And the memories
So bittersweet what she became to me
An art form that loves so freely
I had to give her space to be
In hopes that her feelings will only belong to me
She’s was my…..
Everything
My regrets
My apologies forgets
The breath that saved me from living safely
I give her pen strokes as my heart beats race in
Letters that I haven’t read to anyone
Words I will someday give to one
She’s my mistress for reality
And I reward her with sensitive gratuity
She’s everything I never believed
And I love her beyond empty lines dressed on sheets of cream
Loved her before the world paid attention to me
Loved her because Life is what poetry means
The way our bodies rised
I remember how she & I
Touched
I remember the way she felt
How her body laid before me
Barely giving feelings to the words she created
I unraveled the complex syntax she hid behind
Undressed her with words as my lips created emotions against her journal’s spine
She was my first
Lover
Laid with her on top of woven covers
We touched each other in ways the world would no longer recognize
Beyond the sight of human eyes
I gave her intimacy without opening my thighs
Gave her pleasure beyond a sexual guise
Hazed over highs from limerick style lies
So often I would run and hide
From her
And the memories
So bittersweet what she became to me
An art form that loves so freely
I had to give her space to be
In hopes that her feelings will only belong to me
She’s was my…..
Everything
My regrets
My apologies forgets
The breath that saved me from living safely
I give her pen strokes as my heart beats race in
Letters that I haven’t read to anyone
Words I will someday give to one
She’s my mistress for reality
And I reward her with sensitive gratuity
She’s everything I never believed
And I love her beyond empty lines dressed on sheets of cream
Loved her before the world paid attention to me
Loved her because Life is what poetry means
...Left...
Lips
Tongues
I taste the inside of your mouth like words that dare not come out
I feel you call for me
Like moans that repeat
Breathing
Lungs heavy as
Seeking
The ramifications of mental stimulation
I’ve got your mind
Open
Wide souls
Fucking you while still clothed
Whispered so loud that everybody knows
What’s going on between my tongue
And your body
Like art I paint you
Decorate you with kisses like empty canvases
My sensations appreciate the way your fingers scratch my skin
And grab
My hair
Have people stop and stare while you beg me not to
Do all the things your body wants me to
Do
You think of me?
Outside of Midnight’s day dreams?
Moments when your body doesn’t belong to me
And I am more than a touch away?
Heartbeats longing for me to stay
As I play your orgasms like songs on repeat
This has become something more than late night sex creeps
Where I don’t stay long enough to place wrinkles in your bed sheets
You’ve become attached to our chemistry
While I’m still attached
To nothing
Arms wrapped around my waist
Back to chest
Unable to face the feelings you’ve placed between us
Sun is coming up
Where does reality leave us?
Just two people in need of
Two completely different things
Our illusion has changed
Felt the shift after the last time you said my name
Too many strings attached to a heart that doesn’t feel the same
That night you came
And I
Left
Tongues
I taste the inside of your mouth like words that dare not come out
I feel you call for me
Like moans that repeat
Breathing
Lungs heavy as
Seeking
The ramifications of mental stimulation
I’ve got your mind
Open
Wide souls
Fucking you while still clothed
Whispered so loud that everybody knows
What’s going on between my tongue
And your body
Like art I paint you
Decorate you with kisses like empty canvases
My sensations appreciate the way your fingers scratch my skin
And grab
My hair
Have people stop and stare while you beg me not to
Do all the things your body wants me to
Do
You think of me?
Outside of Midnight’s day dreams?
Moments when your body doesn’t belong to me
And I am more than a touch away?
Heartbeats longing for me to stay
As I play your orgasms like songs on repeat
This has become something more than late night sex creeps
Where I don’t stay long enough to place wrinkles in your bed sheets
You’ve become attached to our chemistry
While I’m still attached
To nothing
Arms wrapped around my waist
Back to chest
Unable to face the feelings you’ve placed between us
Sun is coming up
Where does reality leave us?
Just two people in need of
Two completely different things
Our illusion has changed
Felt the shift after the last time you said my name
Too many strings attached to a heart that doesn’t feel the same
That night you came
And I
Left
...Two Shots...
His life was in my hands
A breeze colder than blood stained concrete greeted the silence against my brow
Sweat kissed the inside of my palm as my finger began to ache between decision and trigger
Legs tired of pushing my foot against his back
His breathing irritated my ego
Infuriated the emotions I hid under my uniform
I was questioning my judgment
Thinking about the swell of left hand knuckles after beating his whereabouts with fist
Stared at blood he spit after I pushed frustration into his chest
Him declaring innocence only defined my guilt
Refused to fight back
Placed hands on steering wheels before my command
Didn't hesitate to comply with the bullshit I gave him
His record clean of society’s indecencies but I still had a point to prove
That skin the color of this country's deceit shall never be free on my beat
Shall never speak to me under the impersonation of equality
You are nothing but a slave in freeman’s clothing
The irrevocable mistake we made by calling you human shall be redeemed in the beauty of your death
Justice lives within my forefathers' breath
You will always be less than
The species some audacious muthafucka dared called a man
You niggers is this nation's regret
And the only way to pay your debt is by the blood of open wounds
Two shots in the head is the only love I have for you
No longer relying on your people to assassinate you
This is what policemen were hired to do
A breeze colder than blood stained concrete greeted the silence against my brow
Sweat kissed the inside of my palm as my finger began to ache between decision and trigger
Legs tired of pushing my foot against his back
His breathing irritated my ego
Infuriated the emotions I hid under my uniform
I was questioning my judgment
Thinking about the swell of left hand knuckles after beating his whereabouts with fist
Stared at blood he spit after I pushed frustration into his chest
Him declaring innocence only defined my guilt
Refused to fight back
Placed hands on steering wheels before my command
Didn't hesitate to comply with the bullshit I gave him
His record clean of society’s indecencies but I still had a point to prove
That skin the color of this country's deceit shall never be free on my beat
Shall never speak to me under the impersonation of equality
You are nothing but a slave in freeman’s clothing
The irrevocable mistake we made by calling you human shall be redeemed in the beauty of your death
Justice lives within my forefathers' breath
You will always be less than
The species some audacious muthafucka dared called a man
You niggers is this nation's regret
And the only way to pay your debt is by the blood of open wounds
Two shots in the head is the only love I have for you
No longer relying on your people to assassinate you
This is what policemen were hired to do
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