...All & Nothing...

Sad love songs on repeat as I vacantly replay our last dialogue and how you call this my insecurities
When all I call it is loving you
I weep
Slowly, un-assured, unanswered
Didn't smash plates against walls or defy your manhood
I simply walked
Head high
Tears melting, heart beating
Slowly thinking toxic filled thoughts and political views of how this love thing should work
I realize I unconditonalized the conditions of emotions
Tears cried streams into oceans
Spoke on notions that were simply too old fashioned
And committed myself to divine heart ache that leads to soft pillows that replicate what you once were
Comfort
Complacent
Soft
Gently, consistently wiping away tears that I never knew fell
I sleep
Eyes wide open
Comatose dreams of days were it was just you and I and the chemistry felt between our eyes resound on the palm of your hand against my spine
We were all and nothing
Shattered, slightly broken fragments
2 beings of a love that never was
Now I regret all and nothing
And although I can't say that these sad love songs do much nor do the silent movie style memories depicting a background that host no new scenery
I can't help but wonder about the way you felt
This pain runs so deep that my soul screams for help
I just wish heart break was an emotion that love woulda kept
And I guess this is what it feels like
To have the butterflies you created in my stomach be replaced
As anxiety sets in and my mind tries to erase you when I am honestly not ready for it to
I pack
Irretraceable love stories and sentiments
Don't touch pictures of moonlight kisses or sheets that once whispered our names
Tears cry as I remember when you told me that you and I have changed
Apologies leaked from my lips as I begged for you to love me the same
Way
I believed
In all and nothing at all
And maybe it is my insecurities that heightened the rise in our fall
But I regret nothing at all
Because this was me loving you