Lost but not found
4 years that feel like centuries ago I walked away from life and into what has now become my shadow
Premature understanding like birth from wombs that house children who haven’t matured
I walked away from yesterday into the unknown that felt like home
Ran away on a stream of tears into the wilderness in search of me
Because the women on TV never looked quite like me
Nor did the woman in the mirror after I removed remnants of lost dreams
And if silence can help me define these random thoughts that scared away sleep
Maybe looking soul deep could some how define me
So I ran
Heart and mind wide open like the possibilities
No limits enslaved me because this time I ran away free
Free from yesterday and the days before
Free from the ones who only saw me as a lost black girl
Free from beliefs that never made sense to me
Free from me standing in the way of who I was meant to be
...Day Rise...
I remember when I shared you with the sun
Connected over lines as we weaved thoughts like night clouds & stars
Counted moments that we painted with memories of now
I experienced your mind before your body
Appreciated the thoughts before the man
And wondered of the joy behind the way you kissed words with the baritone of your breath
You caressed my mind till day rise put night fall to rest
And we shared space and mind while words lingered against missed sleep
You are the light mornings run to
The dream only skies can dream of
And I see you for all that you are and will forever be
A beckon of light implanted in my memory
Now I count minutes till its just you and me
And the sun
Connected over lines as we weaved thoughts like night clouds & stars
Counted moments that we painted with memories of now
I experienced your mind before your body
Appreciated the thoughts before the man
And wondered of the joy behind the way you kissed words with the baritone of your breath
You caressed my mind till day rise put night fall to rest
And we shared space and mind while words lingered against missed sleep
You are the light mornings run to
The dream only skies can dream of
And I see you for all that you are and will forever be
A beckon of light implanted in my memory
Now I count minutes till its just you and me
And the sun
...Rewrite...
I’m rewriting the world
Tracing back steps of lost and forgotten days
Illuminating my DNA and counting chromosomes
Realizing that I am Queen before I was his Bitch
The moon that highlights the sun
The harmony between Gods and Earths
I am Life to the words that died behind pens
The moment that suspended into eternity
Feeding off my energy
I am the womb of creativity
I give birth to art and call it poetry
Write tears on paper and call it fiction
Listen to your fears and make them my mistakes
I transcend for all women, vibrate in positive space
I am the air in lungs
The voice behind chords that scream
Better than a smokers addiction to nicotine
I am your dream’s favorite dream
I rewrite the world within me and label it “Serene”
Break the shackles for HueManity and let their minds roam free
I am the thought to the thinker
The validity of your illusion
Comparable to the greatest stories
A never ending conclusion
I am the confusion between right and wrong
The heartbeat to your favorite song
The answers, the questions
Your intuition
Your perception
The subjugated deception of the outer world’s reflection
The pulse after resurrection
The assured and aware
The knowledge that feeds the ignorant with care
I am
The world
Or so I have it in me
Write memories to my mental
Redefining society
Tracing back steps of lost and forgotten days
Illuminating my DNA and counting chromosomes
Realizing that I am Queen before I was his Bitch
The moon that highlights the sun
The harmony between Gods and Earths
I am Life to the words that died behind pens
The moment that suspended into eternity
Feeding off my energy
I am the womb of creativity
I give birth to art and call it poetry
Write tears on paper and call it fiction
Listen to your fears and make them my mistakes
I transcend for all women, vibrate in positive space
I am the air in lungs
The voice behind chords that scream
Better than a smokers addiction to nicotine
I am your dream’s favorite dream
I rewrite the world within me and label it “Serene”
Break the shackles for HueManity and let their minds roam free
I am the thought to the thinker
The validity of your illusion
Comparable to the greatest stories
A never ending conclusion
I am the confusion between right and wrong
The heartbeat to your favorite song
The answers, the questions
Your intuition
Your perception
The subjugated deception of the outer world’s reflection
The pulse after resurrection
The assured and aware
The knowledge that feeds the ignorant with care
I am
The world
Or so I have it in me
Write memories to my mental
Redefining society
...Love Me...
You were sent to me
Not wrapped in pretty bows or with bells and whistles
No signs that block lettered my name and labeled you mine
You just appeared like a figment of my imagination
And I wanted you
Wanted you so deep that my veins bleed you and my heart beat only to the syllables of your name
Bared my soul the first night you came and our bodies connected as one
From moon to sun and over again
We kissed blessings to the wind and thank God for the orgasms that took over
As toes curled like hair between your fingers
You penetrated me with worries that this is all we would be
Licked me from my ears to the back of my knees
Between my thighs as your tongue found my beat and we shared blue spots over black nights because cumming has never felt like this
And I have never kissed like this
My body has never bent like this
Your deep strokes where rhythm never missed
You spelled “Us” but it never included I
And I closed my eyes like I didn’t know this would be our first and last time
And you
You kissed my wants good bye like condoms
Dressed and left my heart in a state of hunger
This was all that I never wanted
All that I never asked for
But I always asked for you
Not in pretty bows or with bells and whistles
No block letters that spelled my name
Just that this time you came
To love me.
Not wrapped in pretty bows or with bells and whistles
No signs that block lettered my name and labeled you mine
You just appeared like a figment of my imagination
And I wanted you
Wanted you so deep that my veins bleed you and my heart beat only to the syllables of your name
Bared my soul the first night you came and our bodies connected as one
From moon to sun and over again
We kissed blessings to the wind and thank God for the orgasms that took over
As toes curled like hair between your fingers
You penetrated me with worries that this is all we would be
Licked me from my ears to the back of my knees
Between my thighs as your tongue found my beat and we shared blue spots over black nights because cumming has never felt like this
And I have never kissed like this
My body has never bent like this
Your deep strokes where rhythm never missed
You spelled “Us” but it never included I
And I closed my eyes like I didn’t know this would be our first and last time
And you
You kissed my wants good bye like condoms
Dressed and left my heart in a state of hunger
This was all that I never wanted
All that I never asked for
But I always asked for you
Not in pretty bows or with bells and whistles
No block letters that spelled my name
Just that this time you came
To love me.
...Forever...
Give me the night
And I will give you the forever that rest on moonlights that shine against the life of your eyes
You move me
Like swoons that faint against perpetuated heartbeats that wait
I dream contently of the day your love will be my only and one
As we count stars that run into the sun
I touch you
Slowly and assured that this time and space we share is by fate
You are my soul mate with whom my heart is wide open
I dreamt of you before our words were secretly chosen
Destiny has spoken and you are the love I always prayed for
To touch your hand brings tears to my soul
For I never thought that I would get a chance to hold you
Taste your name against my tongues caress
I would walk this Earth alone till death if it meant I could have you after I take my last breath
I could never leave you even if heartache resided in my chest
I will love you long after time fails this test
Apprehensive fears lay to rest as I confess that I more than over love you with want
I need you like daylight needs the sun
And if this means our beginning has just begun
I wish for happily ever after and hope the ending never comes.
And I will give you the forever that rest on moonlights that shine against the life of your eyes
You move me
Like swoons that faint against perpetuated heartbeats that wait
I dream contently of the day your love will be my only and one
As we count stars that run into the sun
I touch you
Slowly and assured that this time and space we share is by fate
You are my soul mate with whom my heart is wide open
I dreamt of you before our words were secretly chosen
Destiny has spoken and you are the love I always prayed for
To touch your hand brings tears to my soul
For I never thought that I would get a chance to hold you
Taste your name against my tongues caress
I would walk this Earth alone till death if it meant I could have you after I take my last breath
I could never leave you even if heartache resided in my chest
I will love you long after time fails this test
Apprehensive fears lay to rest as I confess that I more than over love you with want
I need you like daylight needs the sun
And if this means our beginning has just begun
I wish for happily ever after and hope the ending never comes.
...Don't Want To Love You...
I don’t want to love you
Rather not care about the way that you feel or how your heart moves
Don’t want to remember the space between your words and breath
Visualize the way you look at me as if I am greatest part of you
Or reminisce about the way we connected, chemistry blinding my view
I don’t want to feel
Don’t want to find day dreams waiting for me as if exhaling these mental imageries that some how project you and me in a kiss that leaves me weak in the knees
I don’t want to close my eyes and continue to see you in between my heart and soul beating
Testing me to forget love is like the first time all over again
Forget that maybe this time you aren’t like all the lost men
And that maybe this time love stories won’t end
Or that maybe its fear
Maybe I’m scared
Scared to love someone on the same level that I love myself
Scared to run into your heart when the world leaves me with no one else
Scared to be vulnerable
Scared to be attached
Scared to say the things my heart can never retract
Like how I love you
Love you so simple
Love you like the 3 tears that fall down my cheek because I have never loved like this
Love you wholly
Love you complete
Love you after my heart loses it last beat
I just want to love you
Love you with all of me
But I’ll never be her
So I rather not love you
Love you in ways your heart beats for her
Love you like the days that rise with her in mind
Don’t want to love you when I know you’ll reject me every time
Don’t want to love you when you and she are meant to be
Don’t want to love you when I know you’ll never love me
Rather not care about the way that you feel or how your heart moves
Don’t want to remember the space between your words and breath
Visualize the way you look at me as if I am greatest part of you
Or reminisce about the way we connected, chemistry blinding my view
I don’t want to feel
Don’t want to find day dreams waiting for me as if exhaling these mental imageries that some how project you and me in a kiss that leaves me weak in the knees
I don’t want to close my eyes and continue to see you in between my heart and soul beating
Testing me to forget love is like the first time all over again
Forget that maybe this time you aren’t like all the lost men
And that maybe this time love stories won’t end
Or that maybe its fear
Maybe I’m scared
Scared to love someone on the same level that I love myself
Scared to run into your heart when the world leaves me with no one else
Scared to be vulnerable
Scared to be attached
Scared to say the things my heart can never retract
Like how I love you
Love you so simple
Love you like the 3 tears that fall down my cheek because I have never loved like this
Love you wholly
Love you complete
Love you after my heart loses it last beat
I just want to love you
Love you with all of me
But I’ll never be her
So I rather not love you
Love you in ways your heart beats for her
Love you like the days that rise with her in mind
Don’t want to love you when I know you’ll reject me every time
Don’t want to love you when you and she are meant to be
Don’t want to love you when I know you’ll never love me
...Cum For Me...
Imagination passed voyeuristic turnstiles
As I watched you, watching me, enjoying you, inside of me
Deep
Long
Slow strokes that leave moans caught in my throat
I’m tingling
As your fingers trace my breast
Nipples beg for your tongue’s caress
Dream colored thighs more than slippery when wet
Fingers tensed in my hair, whispering moans against my neck
As you move deeper
Closer
Let our rhythm do the rest
Arch my back and roll my hips, say your name without request
In and out
Pressing harder
Skin flushed
Dripping sweat
Grabbing sheets in between you removing the nature of our sex
No more teasing
Looked into my eyes as your hands started easing
Between my legs than around my thighs
Kissed my clit so passionately that orgasms started to cry
Hands grip your face, legs trembling, tears fall from my eyes
Skin flushed from steady cumming, gently turns me on my side
Enters slowly
Bites my shoulder
Face in pillow
Now I’m completely bent over
Clutching skin
Moves deeper in
G-spot humming
Can’t tell where he ends or I begin
As I watched you, watching me, enjoying you, inside of me
Deep
Long
Slow strokes that leave moans caught in my throat
I’m tingling
As your fingers trace my breast
Nipples beg for your tongue’s caress
Dream colored thighs more than slippery when wet
Fingers tensed in my hair, whispering moans against my neck
As you move deeper
Closer
Let our rhythm do the rest
Arch my back and roll my hips, say your name without request
In and out
Pressing harder
Skin flushed
Dripping sweat
Grabbing sheets in between you removing the nature of our sex
No more teasing
Looked into my eyes as your hands started easing
Between my legs than around my thighs
Kissed my clit so passionately that orgasms started to cry
Hands grip your face, legs trembling, tears fall from my eyes
Skin flushed from steady cumming, gently turns me on my side
Enters slowly
Bites my shoulder
Face in pillow
Now I’m completely bent over
Clutching skin
Moves deeper in
G-spot humming
Can’t tell where he ends or I begin
...So High...
He pulls at my subconscious
Gives me dreams in colors only God could create
And I allow him to have me
Breathe him into lungs over waiting of the pure adulteration of his sex
He feeds me with emotions that leave my eyes bloodshot heartbreak red
Concealed behind pain that stabs mental wounds like convictions as thoughts bleed into my brain
He is the only one who will listen to my fears
And there he has me
Inside of dark filled nights where sunlight never showed its face
We shared secrets like needles that wipe out the human race
And I breathe him
Into lungs excused from the awakening of self beneath red colored eyes with the iris of deception
He is my connection to feeling because I’m tried of wanting
And if u pierce me I will test positive for giving a fuck long after love gave up
I am the injured in need of a quick fix
And if the lies that hide behind smoke hue highs will allow me to forget forgiving
I’ll take another toke and wish prayers up to my Lord for healing
My problem isn’t dealing with reality painted feelings
But the after affects once the sentiments retract and I’m the one left vulnerable and willing
So he gives me a high better than sun light skies and I give him
I give him
I give him the nothingness that sits inside my soul since the day you told me it was over
That’s when I lick my lips, make my hips dip and let him take over
When your insides are dark your heart will beat colder
Penetrate that dark space; no longer see your face as I look over my shoulder
Because rejection is staring at me
I allowed feelings to have me
Emotions burned deep before consciousness could grab me
Gives me dreams in colors only God could create
And I allow him to have me
Breathe him into lungs over waiting of the pure adulteration of his sex
He feeds me with emotions that leave my eyes bloodshot heartbreak red
Concealed behind pain that stabs mental wounds like convictions as thoughts bleed into my brain
He is the only one who will listen to my fears
And there he has me
Inside of dark filled nights where sunlight never showed its face
We shared secrets like needles that wipe out the human race
And I breathe him
Into lungs excused from the awakening of self beneath red colored eyes with the iris of deception
He is my connection to feeling because I’m tried of wanting
And if u pierce me I will test positive for giving a fuck long after love gave up
I am the injured in need of a quick fix
And if the lies that hide behind smoke hue highs will allow me to forget forgiving
I’ll take another toke and wish prayers up to my Lord for healing
My problem isn’t dealing with reality painted feelings
But the after affects once the sentiments retract and I’m the one left vulnerable and willing
So he gives me a high better than sun light skies and I give him
I give him
I give him the nothingness that sits inside my soul since the day you told me it was over
That’s when I lick my lips, make my hips dip and let him take over
When your insides are dark your heart will beat colder
Penetrate that dark space; no longer see your face as I look over my shoulder
Because rejection is staring at me
I allowed feelings to have me
Emotions burned deep before consciousness could grab me
...Listening...
I found him sleeping behind open eyes
Dazed
Confused by reality cold enough to freeze winters
He speaks whispers to his long forgotten faith
Pain seems to know his name
Claimed his soul as he reached for love behind closed doors
He lives in the past so forever won’t change
Lived in the moment till their ending came
And I
I offer a shoulder that wipes tears with open ears for the weeping
Overstand the situation when I can’t even comprehend the broken heart of men
He cries
Allowing me to nourish egos with sentiments he can no longer feel
Me saying “Your heart will heal” means nothing
Doesn’t replace her walking out of closed heart doors as he begged her to say something
So I get silent
Listen to him pray as he cries tears of shame to a God he tries not to blame
To say I feel his pain would be a cliché
So I listen
Rambled words where sense doesn’t matter
He compares sorrows to death as heartbeats race in his chest
His only request is to not feel
Not deal with love slipping through fingers when he thought this time was real
And I still say nothing
Rather listen with open ears than my optimistic heart that says “This will get better”
And whether or not I helped him put his pieces back together is still a mystery
That night angels sent him to me and I temporarily stopped the pain
By listening
Dazed
Confused by reality cold enough to freeze winters
He speaks whispers to his long forgotten faith
Pain seems to know his name
Claimed his soul as he reached for love behind closed doors
He lives in the past so forever won’t change
Lived in the moment till their ending came
And I
I offer a shoulder that wipes tears with open ears for the weeping
Overstand the situation when I can’t even comprehend the broken heart of men
He cries
Allowing me to nourish egos with sentiments he can no longer feel
Me saying “Your heart will heal” means nothing
Doesn’t replace her walking out of closed heart doors as he begged her to say something
So I get silent
Listen to him pray as he cries tears of shame to a God he tries not to blame
To say I feel his pain would be a cliché
So I listen
Rambled words where sense doesn’t matter
He compares sorrows to death as heartbeats race in his chest
His only request is to not feel
Not deal with love slipping through fingers when he thought this time was real
And I still say nothing
Rather listen with open ears than my optimistic heart that says “This will get better”
And whether or not I helped him put his pieces back together is still a mystery
That night angels sent him to me and I temporarily stopped the pain
By listening
...U, Me & A Pen...
This is not a poem
This is me fixated by the content of your body
So entangled I neglect previous lovers as I dwell on the swell of your bottom lip
Taste your meaning under dim lit lights
Drink of your intoxicating red wine thought process that leaves me mentally tingling
Throbbing for clarity as we move beyond sheets to scribes of your dictation
Your words lay before me
Naked
Pleading for the sanity of my tongue against the sway of your frame like finger to pen
We connected nouns and adjectives as sweat grazed our skin
Like heat to flame
Built up infernos as letters whispered my name
Pulsations punctuate when the rise and fall came
Pen stroked harder
You erected words that we dare not speak
As ink penetrate meanings like g-spots soul deep
Hmmm…just like honey
Feeds you the nourishment you seek
Grip notebooks like hair; sugar cane mouth hums you to peak
This is me fixated by the content of your body
So entangled I neglect previous lovers as I dwell on the swell of your bottom lip
Taste your meaning under dim lit lights
Drink of your intoxicating red wine thought process that leaves me mentally tingling
Throbbing for clarity as we move beyond sheets to scribes of your dictation
Your words lay before me
Naked
Pleading for the sanity of my tongue against the sway of your frame like finger to pen
We connected nouns and adjectives as sweat grazed our skin
Like heat to flame
Built up infernos as letters whispered my name
Pulsations punctuate when the rise and fall came
Pen stroked harder
You erected words that we dare not speak
As ink penetrate meanings like g-spots soul deep
Hmmm…just like honey
Feeds you the nourishment you seek
Grip notebooks like hair; sugar cane mouth hums you to peak
...A Simple Poem...
I wanted to write this because sometimes I can be a little too complex
Run off on tangents
Metaphorically compare you to planets
And galaxies
With stars
Like milky ways
And you’re supposed to know I’m talking about your finger tips
Do you catch my drift?
I can get a little….deep when words and art meet
So I figured it be best if I simply speak the things that rest on my mind
One line at a time
So, here it goes…
I think your dope
Fly, funky and fresh all wrapped into one
And if there was another word under the sun to describe you, I would use that one too
Like, call you “YourSoBeautiful” without spaces
Then erase it
Write it again in upper and lower cases
You know like “YoUrSoBeAuTiful” and hope it place a smile on your face and
Somehow stimulate your heart to skip a beat or two for me
Infatuation has consumed me
Got me day dreaming about you at work as if that’s what I’m paid to do
Losing my thoughts in meetings, got my coworkers asking about you
Like “Hey, who is this dude?”
“No for real, who is he?”
So I tell little white lies and pray that God forgives me
Something nonchalant like “No one special. Really”
When we all know
It gets
No ‘specialer’
Than you
I dig you
Not caring if you even dig me back
Not going to retract statements if friendship is all we have and you leave it at that
Not going to try to persuade you by stating heart felt facts
Like….
Your words move me before any emotion could
And if you would give me the chance
I will love you forever
Never wasting a second to appreciate you, ever
And you make my stomach flutter more than butterflies do
In so deep that when I touch you
It feels like my very first time falling
All over again
But since you want to be friends I have to respect that
Seal this simple poem with a kiss
And take a step back
Run off on tangents
Metaphorically compare you to planets
And galaxies
With stars
Like milky ways
And you’re supposed to know I’m talking about your finger tips
Do you catch my drift?
I can get a little….deep when words and art meet
So I figured it be best if I simply speak the things that rest on my mind
One line at a time
So, here it goes…
I think your dope
Fly, funky and fresh all wrapped into one
And if there was another word under the sun to describe you, I would use that one too
Like, call you “YourSoBeautiful” without spaces
Then erase it
Write it again in upper and lower cases
You know like “YoUrSoBeAuTiful” and hope it place a smile on your face and
Somehow stimulate your heart to skip a beat or two for me
Infatuation has consumed me
Got me day dreaming about you at work as if that’s what I’m paid to do
Losing my thoughts in meetings, got my coworkers asking about you
Like “Hey, who is this dude?”
“No for real, who is he?”
So I tell little white lies and pray that God forgives me
Something nonchalant like “No one special. Really”
When we all know
It gets
No ‘specialer’
Than you
I dig you
Not caring if you even dig me back
Not going to retract statements if friendship is all we have and you leave it at that
Not going to try to persuade you by stating heart felt facts
Like….
Your words move me before any emotion could
And if you would give me the chance
I will love you forever
Never wasting a second to appreciate you, ever
And you make my stomach flutter more than butterflies do
In so deep that when I touch you
It feels like my very first time falling
All over again
But since you want to be friends I have to respect that
Seal this simple poem with a kiss
And take a step back
...My Favorite Poet...
He speaks to me in poems
Connecting on stanzas of love as his words seep slow like time
He is my favorite prose
The unexplainable as we link words like kisses on love forgiven skin
We are two broken hearts shattered like shotgun feelings to open mind windows
Held together by the faith that love and poetry still coexist
We speak volumes in silence as pens mate with paper
Make words tremble and climax like scratches on back to sheets that bleed metaphors of the thinkable
Derive from vocabic solitude that he is the half to my whole and I am his complete
His inspiration is the color of my soul
The seemingly endless hues of emotion filled hearts that rain love like tears
This feeling is in every color like auras that radiate suns and moons
He is my muse
The courage behind lack of love words tattooed on bared sleeves because this time will be different
He is my favorite poet
Connecting on stanzas of love as his words seep slow like time
He is my favorite prose
The unexplainable as we link words like kisses on love forgiven skin
We are two broken hearts shattered like shotgun feelings to open mind windows
Held together by the faith that love and poetry still coexist
We speak volumes in silence as pens mate with paper
Make words tremble and climax like scratches on back to sheets that bleed metaphors of the thinkable
Derive from vocabic solitude that he is the half to my whole and I am his complete
His inspiration is the color of my soul
The seemingly endless hues of emotion filled hearts that rain love like tears
This feeling is in every color like auras that radiate suns and moons
He is my muse
The courage behind lack of love words tattooed on bared sleeves because this time will be different
He is my favorite poet
...Last Night...
Last night I kissed you while you dreamed
Hoped to intrude with the sweet taste of my heart so you could remember me at dawn
I kissed you a thousand times and whispered thoughts that lay complacent on my mind
In that space and time you were solely mine and we shared moments
I stopped breathing just so we could breathe as one
And gave you my heart every time your beat took a rest
Last night I laid my head on your chest just so I could hear your soul and I lost myself in you
Eyes closed still could not dim your perfection
As lids flutter, slightly open, your eyes are Love’s reflection
In nocturnal states, bodies mend without sexual connections
Erect in dream, mental orgasms subconscious affection
As you hold me closer and kiss me on my neck and
Hand strums the spine of back as you speak my name’s confession
“Baby….I love you”
Last night I kissed you while you dreamed
Hoped to intrude with the sweet taste of my heart so you could remember me at dawn
I whispered love a thousand times and waited for the moment I could look you in your eyes
And say “I love you too”
Hoped to intrude with the sweet taste of my heart so you could remember me at dawn
I kissed you a thousand times and whispered thoughts that lay complacent on my mind
In that space and time you were solely mine and we shared moments
I stopped breathing just so we could breathe as one
And gave you my heart every time your beat took a rest
Last night I laid my head on your chest just so I could hear your soul and I lost myself in you
Eyes closed still could not dim your perfection
As lids flutter, slightly open, your eyes are Love’s reflection
In nocturnal states, bodies mend without sexual connections
Erect in dream, mental orgasms subconscious affection
As you hold me closer and kiss me on my neck and
Hand strums the spine of back as you speak my name’s confession
“Baby….I love you”
Last night I kissed you while you dreamed
Hoped to intrude with the sweet taste of my heart so you could remember me at dawn
I whispered love a thousand times and waited for the moment I could look you in your eyes
And say “I love you too”
...Dial Tone...
You pick up telephone lines dead to forgiving souls as you seek retribution from the free.
I don’t understand you
Allow the dial tone to convey my inner thoughts
Adequately process proclamations that your injustice is rightfully just as you beat Queens like pen to paper for baring a thought.
Concluding with a validating back of the hand for speaking when not spoken to
She worshipped you even when scared to
Allow me my fallen King to understand the unjust in your feeble attempts to reclaim your manhood by hitting her?
Speak to me in volumes
Dwell on the major and minute not sparing a detail
Revisit the beginning transcended to the climatic end of you stored in cell blocks similar to zoo cages for acting an ass
Feed me lies of how 5’3” next to your 6’1” frame ended with you feeling intimidated
Explain how questions lead to a blood stained mouth and locked bathroom door
Fill me with your anger, your miseducation
Your defeat so that this bullshit you spit to me over phone tapped lines can all make sense
You Sir are a coward
No longer worthy of a name
Adorn a scarlet letter like wife beater to your chest as you are one and the same
Tell me; was it easy beating her just to profess you will change?
Process this thought, my non verbal exchange
Dial Tone
Please don’t call here again
I don’t understand you
Allow the dial tone to convey my inner thoughts
Adequately process proclamations that your injustice is rightfully just as you beat Queens like pen to paper for baring a thought.
Concluding with a validating back of the hand for speaking when not spoken to
She worshipped you even when scared to
Allow me my fallen King to understand the unjust in your feeble attempts to reclaim your manhood by hitting her?
Speak to me in volumes
Dwell on the major and minute not sparing a detail
Revisit the beginning transcended to the climatic end of you stored in cell blocks similar to zoo cages for acting an ass
Feed me lies of how 5’3” next to your 6’1” frame ended with you feeling intimidated
Explain how questions lead to a blood stained mouth and locked bathroom door
Fill me with your anger, your miseducation
Your defeat so that this bullshit you spit to me over phone tapped lines can all make sense
You Sir are a coward
No longer worthy of a name
Adorn a scarlet letter like wife beater to your chest as you are one and the same
Tell me; was it easy beating her just to profess you will change?
Process this thought, my non verbal exchange
Dial Tone
Please don’t call here again
...All & Nothing...
Sad love songs on repeat as I vacantly replay our last dialogue and how you call this my insecurities
When all I call it is loving you
I weep
Slowly, un-assured, unanswered
Didn't smash plates against walls or defy your manhood
I simply walked
Head high
Tears melting, heart beating
Slowly thinking toxic filled thoughts and political views of how this love thing should work
I realize I unconditonalized the conditions of emotions
Tears cried streams into oceans
Spoke on notions that were simply too old fashioned
And committed myself to divine heart ache that leads to soft pillows that replicate what you once were
Comfort
Complacent
Soft
Gently, consistently wiping away tears that I never knew fell
I sleep
Eyes wide open
Comatose dreams of days were it was just you and I and the chemistry felt between our eyes resound on the palm of your hand against my spine
We were all and nothing
Shattered, slightly broken fragments
2 beings of a love that never was
Now I regret all and nothing
And although I can't say that these sad love songs do much nor do the silent movie style memories depicting a background that host no new scenery
I can't help but wonder about the way you felt
This pain runs so deep that my soul screams for help
I just wish heart break was an emotion that love woulda kept
And I guess this is what it feels like
To have the butterflies you created in my stomach be replaced
As anxiety sets in and my mind tries to erase you when I am honestly not ready for it to
I pack
Irretraceable love stories and sentiments
Don't touch pictures of moonlight kisses or sheets that once whispered our names
Tears cry as I remember when you told me that you and I have changed
Apologies leaked from my lips as I begged for you to love me the same
Way
I believed
In all and nothing at all
And maybe it is my insecurities that heightened the rise in our fall
But I regret nothing at all
Because this was me loving you
When all I call it is loving you
I weep
Slowly, un-assured, unanswered
Didn't smash plates against walls or defy your manhood
I simply walked
Head high
Tears melting, heart beating
Slowly thinking toxic filled thoughts and political views of how this love thing should work
I realize I unconditonalized the conditions of emotions
Tears cried streams into oceans
Spoke on notions that were simply too old fashioned
And committed myself to divine heart ache that leads to soft pillows that replicate what you once were
Comfort
Complacent
Soft
Gently, consistently wiping away tears that I never knew fell
I sleep
Eyes wide open
Comatose dreams of days were it was just you and I and the chemistry felt between our eyes resound on the palm of your hand against my spine
We were all and nothing
Shattered, slightly broken fragments
2 beings of a love that never was
Now I regret all and nothing
And although I can't say that these sad love songs do much nor do the silent movie style memories depicting a background that host no new scenery
I can't help but wonder about the way you felt
This pain runs so deep that my soul screams for help
I just wish heart break was an emotion that love woulda kept
And I guess this is what it feels like
To have the butterflies you created in my stomach be replaced
As anxiety sets in and my mind tries to erase you when I am honestly not ready for it to
I pack
Irretraceable love stories and sentiments
Don't touch pictures of moonlight kisses or sheets that once whispered our names
Tears cry as I remember when you told me that you and I have changed
Apologies leaked from my lips as I begged for you to love me the same
Way
I believed
In all and nothing at all
And maybe it is my insecurities that heightened the rise in our fall
But I regret nothing at all
Because this was me loving you
...23...
23
She asked for death because it has to feel better than this
Yet she still curled into her arms, protecting her chest from a fight that she could never win
Black and blue was her name
Eyes against palms
Bloodied mouth against breath
Chest caved and lungs collapsed
She never knew pain before this
23 times she wanted to fight back
Fight for what she understood
That no man had a right to make her feel less than self
Less than right when his actions were wrong
But she couldn't bat an eye as malice rested on his tongue
Didn't cry a tear as he proclaimed her less than nothing
Didn’t beg him to stop hitting her because that would be injustice
Didn't wonder when he stopped loving her
Didn't complain about the knee in her side, fingers weaved in her hair
Didn't yell as he broke tables and asymmetric frames that once held wedding photos and first communions
She just prayed
Barred hands to knees
Knees to hurt
Head to back of shoulder spread like eagles
And she prayed till his barrage of inconsistent lies halted and all she heard were tears leak like words on paper
She didn’t fight back because her children sat idle
Too scared to move, to bewildered to cry
Too young to understand his reason why
And though he doesnt say it, daddy loves mommy he just hates her complaining
Her dignity was all but faded as it became 23 times to the date and
His words became stipulated reasons for hitting her
See, see, see this is for his father who kicked his mother in womb and chest
Ribs bruised beyond recognition, hit her so hard his hand was impressed
"No you can't leave me"
Kicked her in side and stomach till he thought all life had left
And eventhough he survived, his mother was laid to rest
So he fought her for his life lost in transition
Commiserated his confidence in the shadows of her subconscious
Her fear was his purpose
Chose her to be a spectacle
Diluted her sexuality
He was her monster in the closet
The boogey man unseen
And something in between
But most of all he was her husband
Or whatever that means
She asked for death because it has to feel better than this
Yet she still curled into her arms, protecting her chest from a fight that she could never win
Black and blue was her name
Eyes against palms
Bloodied mouth against breath
Chest caved and lungs collapsed
She never knew pain before this
23 times she wanted to fight back
Fight for what she understood
That no man had a right to make her feel less than self
Less than right when his actions were wrong
But she couldn't bat an eye as malice rested on his tongue
Didn't cry a tear as he proclaimed her less than nothing
Didn’t beg him to stop hitting her because that would be injustice
Didn't wonder when he stopped loving her
Didn't complain about the knee in her side, fingers weaved in her hair
Didn't yell as he broke tables and asymmetric frames that once held wedding photos and first communions
She just prayed
Barred hands to knees
Knees to hurt
Head to back of shoulder spread like eagles
And she prayed till his barrage of inconsistent lies halted and all she heard were tears leak like words on paper
She didn’t fight back because her children sat idle
Too scared to move, to bewildered to cry
Too young to understand his reason why
And though he doesnt say it, daddy loves mommy he just hates her complaining
Her dignity was all but faded as it became 23 times to the date and
His words became stipulated reasons for hitting her
See, see, see this is for his father who kicked his mother in womb and chest
Ribs bruised beyond recognition, hit her so hard his hand was impressed
"No you can't leave me"
Kicked her in side and stomach till he thought all life had left
And eventhough he survived, his mother was laid to rest
So he fought her for his life lost in transition
Commiserated his confidence in the shadows of her subconscious
Her fear was his purpose
Chose her to be a spectacle
Diluted her sexuality
He was her monster in the closet
The boogey man unseen
And something in between
But most of all he was her husband
Or whatever that means
...Can You Hear Him?...
Can you hear him?
He speaks in a whisper slightly louder than his weakening heartbeat
Clutching the lifeless palm of a mother long forgotten before death arrived at her door
He is praying.
Not for self, not for preservation
Insides ravished beyond starvation
He prays for breath
To breathe air eradicated of pain laced death he prays for understanding.
How can a God so forgiving bare no soul?
Kills thousands in seconds, when did God become so cold?
He prays for his father who will never come home.
Can you hear him?
Silent
Lungs filled with dirt from an earth more than shaken
It’s taking every inch of his being not close his eyes for the last time
11 days beyond dehydration, his eyes will bleed if he cries
Sunset to sunrise he watches his family die
His soul may be free but he is physically buried alive
Hoping that tomorrow will be the day rescuers hear his hallow cry
Can you hear him?
He speaks in a whisper slightly louder than his weakening heartbeat
Clutching the lifeless palm of a mother long forgotten before death arrived at her door
He is praying.
Not for self, not for preservation
Insides ravished beyond starvation
He prays for breath
To breathe air eradicated of pain laced death he prays for understanding.
How can a God so forgiving bare no soul?
Kills thousands in seconds, when did God become so cold?
He prays for his father who will never come home.
Can you hear him?
Silent
Lungs filled with dirt from an earth more than shaken
It’s taking every inch of his being not close his eyes for the last time
11 days beyond dehydration, his eyes will bleed if he cries
Sunset to sunrise he watches his family die
His soul may be free but he is physically buried alive
Hoping that tomorrow will be the day rescuers hear his hallow cry
Can you hear him?
...Maybe It's Me...
Maybe it really is me
Look, I'm sorry for this paradox that allotts me the syntax to break your heart
But before you finally walk away can you just stop and allow me to explain the feelings that I endure and the origin of which they came
For example, the other day you said "I want this forever" and while your heart strings looped on romantic energies I simply was lost in the perception of you and I together
Its not that I don't love you, its just that I said I would never
Hold on to someone when I truly question if we can make it through any weather
Can you hold my hand during treacherous storms? Silence thunder with dilapidating words so cold winters won't do no harm?
And can you shape and form my summers so elegantly created by Stevie? Not leave me on poetic justice nights while helicopters search for souls no longer racial pleasing?
Please just give me 3 more mins of your time
I know that my words are beginning to hurt while you think im feeding you a line
But let me share what is really on my mind and how this is truly about me
I can't continue to let you sleep at night in the midst of a strangers company
Making love with no love in our eyes
Every time I walk out that door you don't think I know you cry?
You yourself have said it thousands of times that I am nothing without you
But baby, you are nothing with me
For centuries man was taught to love the essence of a woman beyond her Eptiome
But your jealous ways condone my envy of how someone who seems so strong can be hurt with me
Just a man standing on the passage of time seeking entry
I want to love till I run empty
Bleed so deep I can give life to plenty
Whisper secrets so gently that midnight wind takes a rest
You and I weren't meant to be, this was only a test
I tried to give you all of me, nothing more nothing less
But this feeling in my chest suggest that we we had time will some day forget
Please don't cry, this is not about you
You tried your best
This is about me being a man and trying not to hurt you like the last one who left
No pain, no stress
Tears stream fast, wiping away hurt you can no longer suppress
The feelings I possessed just laid on the surface, sat void on my soul but you never seemed to notice
Lost and out of focus, we continued to rekindle flames even though the embers were just smoke and
Confused emotions never spoken
You packed my shit and screamed "Leave" and that's when I knew you weren't joking
Turned knobs on restless doors end with hearts freshly broken
"Please don't leave" caught in your throat and
Now we are here again, but this time sanity was chosen
I'm sorry, I can't talk this out, I can't keep this going
Our past is a past that is golden, but our future is nothing but a notion
Please don't be angry, please don't continue to keep holding
On to that maybe it is you when honestly, truthfully it is me
I have imperfect flaws that your heart will always see
White lies on my tongue that your soul will never believe
You will continue to cry every time I step towards the door to leave
And you will always be at your worse as long as you are with me
Look, I'm sorry for this paradox that allotts me the syntax to break your heart
But before you finally walk away can you just stop and allow me to explain the feelings that I endure and the origin of which they came
For example, the other day you said "I want this forever" and while your heart strings looped on romantic energies I simply was lost in the perception of you and I together
Its not that I don't love you, its just that I said I would never
Hold on to someone when I truly question if we can make it through any weather
Can you hold my hand during treacherous storms? Silence thunder with dilapidating words so cold winters won't do no harm?
And can you shape and form my summers so elegantly created by Stevie? Not leave me on poetic justice nights while helicopters search for souls no longer racial pleasing?
Please just give me 3 more mins of your time
I know that my words are beginning to hurt while you think im feeding you a line
But let me share what is really on my mind and how this is truly about me
I can't continue to let you sleep at night in the midst of a strangers company
Making love with no love in our eyes
Every time I walk out that door you don't think I know you cry?
You yourself have said it thousands of times that I am nothing without you
But baby, you are nothing with me
For centuries man was taught to love the essence of a woman beyond her Eptiome
But your jealous ways condone my envy of how someone who seems so strong can be hurt with me
Just a man standing on the passage of time seeking entry
I want to love till I run empty
Bleed so deep I can give life to plenty
Whisper secrets so gently that midnight wind takes a rest
You and I weren't meant to be, this was only a test
I tried to give you all of me, nothing more nothing less
But this feeling in my chest suggest that we we had time will some day forget
Please don't cry, this is not about you
You tried your best
This is about me being a man and trying not to hurt you like the last one who left
No pain, no stress
Tears stream fast, wiping away hurt you can no longer suppress
The feelings I possessed just laid on the surface, sat void on my soul but you never seemed to notice
Lost and out of focus, we continued to rekindle flames even though the embers were just smoke and
Confused emotions never spoken
You packed my shit and screamed "Leave" and that's when I knew you weren't joking
Turned knobs on restless doors end with hearts freshly broken
"Please don't leave" caught in your throat and
Now we are here again, but this time sanity was chosen
I'm sorry, I can't talk this out, I can't keep this going
Our past is a past that is golden, but our future is nothing but a notion
Please don't be angry, please don't continue to keep holding
On to that maybe it is you when honestly, truthfully it is me
I have imperfect flaws that your heart will always see
White lies on my tongue that your soul will never believe
You will continue to cry every time I step towards the door to leave
And you will always be at your worse as long as you are with me
...{Freewrite} Kisses To My Memories...
It was never spoken
Our words were shared between haphazard kisses and akward positions while we sexed
Lost hours in kismet that left us spent
It was written on the walls as sweat stained sheets covered the dialogue
What was meant was in the condom wrapper on the floor next to clothes that showed we lost control
It was in the sound of orgasms
The bites on your skin
The scratches on your back
The pulling of my hair as you tried to renact the war between throbbing sensations and emotional acts
The understanding of what we were was said the moment I climaxed
Perpetual visions of stars and galaxies as I arched my back and you filled me
The moment of truth.....that this is all we will ever be
Our words were shared between haphazard kisses and akward positions while we sexed
Lost hours in kismet that left us spent
It was written on the walls as sweat stained sheets covered the dialogue
What was meant was in the condom wrapper on the floor next to clothes that showed we lost control
It was in the sound of orgasms
The bites on your skin
The scratches on your back
The pulling of my hair as you tried to renact the war between throbbing sensations and emotional acts
The understanding of what we were was said the moment I climaxed
Perpetual visions of stars and galaxies as I arched my back and you filled me
The moment of truth.....that this is all we will ever be
...Ur Reason...
And it was passion
Something deep inside me sparked and ignited an old flame long burned out
Overdue cares and concerns weighed heavy on my heart and in my ears as if my heartbeat would suddenly disappear
And I allowed these feelings to overcome my conscious
My want for something tangible and permanent to fixate the void placed within the confinement of my soul laid complacent as if a distant memory
With you, I no longer wept
My somber tears of unredeemed love laid pleasantly in the recess of my past
With you, I was different
No longer a dream upon the horizon of vitalization
I was a long awaited wishing well that quenched your desirable thirst
In the eyes of the patient and praying I was your everlasting want
That force placed in the back of your mind that foreshadowed hurt and pain
The taste of fulfillment that never reached your palate
The sensation of envy conveyed in the eyes of those once your beholder
The beauty in the making of the sunrise filled with whimsical shades of change and perpetual hues of love and dedication
I was your reason
Some how possessed the key to who you ideally wanted to be
I molded your worries
Realigned your courage
And chiseled away your stress
Similar to oxygen, I gave you breath
Inanimately animated your dreams into motion
Defiantly designed a pedestal fit for a King but obtained by his popper
I unknowingly empowered you to have me
I gave you me
Allowed my cloak of determination and strong will to drop and reveal my flaws
My imperfections
I gave you my purity
I gave you my tears
But most importantly
I gave you my trust
Relied on words to nurture my understanding that this would be something different
Permitted you to rewrite my history to some how include you and I
I placed my feelings on a wish
Closed my eyes through tears of confusion and prayed that this would be it
Painted over tainted memories just so I could be whole
Your insight when I was still blind
I became the other half that you were not ready for
Your back bone in the midst of chaos
Because I wanted to be needed
Needed to feel as if my existence was a necessity
And you validated my desire
Ascertained my emotions and created harmony in my shattered understanding of unconditional consistency
Placed my emotions on invisible wave lengths and damaged the esteem of my individuality
Harmonized my feelings with the other women vying for your hand
You shattered all that I had built myself up to be
Broke down the levies
And tore through the guard rails to my heart
You ruptured my mental once plagued with simplistic thoughts of independency
And lavished it with self enthused thoughts of building a dynasty together
You produced this feeling
The picturesque figures of me smiling
My scene replicated into Mona Lisa's, contained with sands of dark brown and reds
Brought to life by the stroke of you hand as if a brush used on canvas
You dictated this experience
The rise and fall of this occasion
Portrayed my feelings on white tinted walls against fragments of a broken heart
You allowed this to happen
When you always knew your intentions
So now I'm sitting here
Removing the memories
The thoughts
The moments
The images
On my wall
Something deep inside me sparked and ignited an old flame long burned out
Overdue cares and concerns weighed heavy on my heart and in my ears as if my heartbeat would suddenly disappear
And I allowed these feelings to overcome my conscious
My want for something tangible and permanent to fixate the void placed within the confinement of my soul laid complacent as if a distant memory
With you, I no longer wept
My somber tears of unredeemed love laid pleasantly in the recess of my past
With you, I was different
No longer a dream upon the horizon of vitalization
I was a long awaited wishing well that quenched your desirable thirst
In the eyes of the patient and praying I was your everlasting want
That force placed in the back of your mind that foreshadowed hurt and pain
The taste of fulfillment that never reached your palate
The sensation of envy conveyed in the eyes of those once your beholder
The beauty in the making of the sunrise filled with whimsical shades of change and perpetual hues of love and dedication
I was your reason
Some how possessed the key to who you ideally wanted to be
I molded your worries
Realigned your courage
And chiseled away your stress
Similar to oxygen, I gave you breath
Inanimately animated your dreams into motion
Defiantly designed a pedestal fit for a King but obtained by his popper
I unknowingly empowered you to have me
I gave you me
Allowed my cloak of determination and strong will to drop and reveal my flaws
My imperfections
I gave you my purity
I gave you my tears
But most importantly
I gave you my trust
Relied on words to nurture my understanding that this would be something different
Permitted you to rewrite my history to some how include you and I
I placed my feelings on a wish
Closed my eyes through tears of confusion and prayed that this would be it
Painted over tainted memories just so I could be whole
Your insight when I was still blind
I became the other half that you were not ready for
Your back bone in the midst of chaos
Because I wanted to be needed
Needed to feel as if my existence was a necessity
And you validated my desire
Ascertained my emotions and created harmony in my shattered understanding of unconditional consistency
Placed my emotions on invisible wave lengths and damaged the esteem of my individuality
Harmonized my feelings with the other women vying for your hand
You shattered all that I had built myself up to be
Broke down the levies
And tore through the guard rails to my heart
You ruptured my mental once plagued with simplistic thoughts of independency
And lavished it with self enthused thoughts of building a dynasty together
You produced this feeling
The picturesque figures of me smiling
My scene replicated into Mona Lisa's, contained with sands of dark brown and reds
Brought to life by the stroke of you hand as if a brush used on canvas
You dictated this experience
The rise and fall of this occasion
Portrayed my feelings on white tinted walls against fragments of a broken heart
You allowed this to happen
When you always knew your intentions
So now I'm sitting here
Removing the memories
The thoughts
The moments
The images
On my wall
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