...Breathe...

Watching your body dance
Slow movements against my eyes
Breath glistening across your skin
Me, wanting to taste your beginning
Waiting as my mind disappears into you
Only to resurrect within my pulse
And I live you
Need you to love me, if only once
Just so I can love you, again
As I breathe you
Into existence

...Internally...

He touched the seam of my skin
Fingers raced like zippers down my spine
He felt the dip in my back
My vulnerability trembling beneath feet
Lips bitten beneath teeth
He felt my insecurities
And undressed my nudity
Saw beneath my skin laced over veins thumping life into moments
He saw me
Beautiful
Feeling
Craving to be understood
Seeking refuge in intimacy
He wanted me
Emotions begged for me
This man yearned for me
And I loved him
Internally

...You...

I wait for you on the other side of freshly licked lips
Already salivating after your taste against my tongue
The sweetness of your body
The smoothness of your touch
I’m mesmerized
Waiting to kiss all your hidden places
Feel the sensation of you filling me to capacity
I close my eyes and allow myself to be consumed by you
Your melody
The warmth in our rhythm
The thoughts you speak as I feel a rise in my chest
The way you breathe
Into me
Needing
As your residue saturates my skin
I feel you press in
Me
Breathing
As one
I lick you across my lips
The sweetest poison of a fallen kiss
Lungs scared to take a second hit
Wishing all moments felt like....
This
Wide open and deep
Red shot eyes began to leak
As my lips part and I choke on the words I try to speak
Smoke hue intoxicated fixations
Orally induced
You and breathing know no separation
As my mind begins to tingle
Legs grow numb with anticipation
You’ve got me open and waiting
Flying high off you
Escaping my lips as the Sun makes love to the Moon

...Voyeur...

I pretend that I don’t see you...
And her
The way she looks at you
Just like I do
I see her eyes absorb your presence
Feel her dreams about you
Mental visualization
Inebriated sensation of your kiss against her lips
Hands lost in her skin
Touching her wants
Tempting her desires
I see your pleasure
I swallow my pain
The lust behind your eyes
The need to refute your intuition
My uncomfortableness with this
I see that she isn’t...
Me
I hear the promises I told my heart
The scars I can barely hide
The truth behind the silence in my lies
I see all the reasons why….
I feel myself walking...
Away
Even though my heart has chosen to stay

...Between Us...

I think of you at the most quiet times 
The in-betweens 
The silent moments 
Where I'm lost in your voice 
The melody from your lips that wraps around my body 
Covers my thoughts and leaves me wondering why my heart stopped beating 
You 
Eyes closed 
Past midnight 
Speaking existence into tomorrows filled with destiny 
You reach for two and I wait to be what's left on your right as night skies find you already dreaming 
There is forever resting in your eyes 
Hiding behind the words
And maybe if we listen closely 
We'll find it waiting 
Between us

...Last Time...

Last time I wrote I’m sure it was about you
Maybe a way that I felt or tear I promised not to cry
I remember nights lying there wondering what it was that made me not good
Enough
Time has passed but the scars feel like yesterday
Heart cries like yesterday
And every emotion still feels the same
Close my eyes and still see myself kissing you
Don’t think that I ever stopped missing you
Just stopped thinking of you
And what love turned pain can do to a heart broken one too many times
Bruised beyond recognition
Nights seemed colder after you left
Darker as warm memories disappeared into reality
Distant laughter cursed the loneliest tear as your face starts to resemble lovers trapped in my past
Seems like I’ve stumbled onto familiar paths
I can still see my hurt in the moonlight, hear sorrow in the sunrise
And clutch onto lost breaths as sobs escape me
Funny how pain always feels the same regardless of the love
Wait…this wasn’t love
This was wanting beyond parallel dreams coupled with dust streaked happy endings that didn’t belong to me
Following my heart even when it remained lost
Searching for answers in words that live with questions
This was something unexplainable

...Again...

I erased this line
Rewrote it
Erased it
Rewrote it…again
We are here…again
And words can only explain what actions try to
Lost in emotions
Stuck on feelings that disguise themselves as valid
Speaking through the silence
Yelling because nothing will change
And the only thing we achieved is anger that is now bigger than the problem
I didn’t want good bye to be like this
But I envision my tomorrow being so much different
You can’t love where none resides
And you can’t appreciate what you don’t see exist
Write letters on paper just to fill the blame
Go through A-Z and back again just to end up here
Erasing words already lost against breath
Retrieving thoughts that have been given existence
My mistake was going against my hearts resistance to speak its mind
And this time is nothing but the last time all over
Again
I erased the last line and started all over
Again
Felt myself apologizing but I refuse to do that
Again
Maybe its pride but you can’t be the victim…
Again
So I tear words into these tears
Call this sadness meaning and finds it purpose as I cleanse my soul
This is what happens when egos take control
But who will be
The casualty?

...Vulnerable Regret...

Your body’s not by my side
Craving like water to desert air, dry
Tears leak before eyes cry and I lick lips bruised with Passion’s despise
Coldest warmth finds my bed’s unspoken lies
As I remember the way you
Then the way I
And the way we
Felt
Suspended in the apparatus of affection
We shocked ourselves with this forbidden connection
Said the things our hearts suspected but tongues neglected
Too consumed in the pleasure of fear mingled with love’s rejection
Destroyed whispers against skin felt beyond our sense detection
I touched you with forever
Gave you thoughts outside of your mind
At night your mine
And that body you own is shared by more than my eyes
As we make …..
Sweat becomes regret’s disguise
And I still feel
You still feel
This feels so
Real
Breathing, barely
Orgasms screaming, heavy
Tears flood dreams
Carry emotions beyond body heat
Reality is our coldness
Pleased by my boldness?
Loneliness of my ……
Pleasure is never about me
When my tongue craves to feel you
Taste the sadness of this desire
See feelings in the color of real
Have you moaning with chills
This is more
You are more
Nothing more
But a night
And a tear

...Vulnerable Loneliness...

I need you during cold winters to keep me warm
Tired of ice dipped nights shared with lonely orgasms against my walls
Cotton sheets and imaginary body heat tease me
Causing friction between desires & hands roaming over skin lest the taste of your mouth
I bite lips and admire all the places you should be
Let nudity embrace me with minds like hearts racing
And my hands become
You
Wanting to feel the heat between my thighs
Fingers tread against my valley's rise & dip into the sweetness of my nectar
Heat warmer in places that don’t have faces
Back arched
Legs bent
Fingers moving in
Palms squeezing chest free
As heads fall back and orgasms escape me
Damn…
I need a lover
I want to fill the temporary emotions of another
With passion
With excuses that last until the condom is useless
I want us to last until the morning
Last until I am seeing your face for the first time
This wasn’t about forever
I’m only focused on now
Only focused on how you make my legs tremble as my lips begin to curl
Blow my back out
Making love to me like I’m your girl
Make love to me even though I said no kissing
Mind stuck on memories reminiscing
I remember how we started on the bed
Then hit the floor
Is this all in my head?
Or did you just beg for more?

...Is This Love?...

Is this love
Or is this deeper?
See, I’ve felt you before
Held you between one closed door as my soul opened another
We were mates before bodies
We were love before words and
I’ve never wanted something as much as I want you
Never dreamed awake until you
I count breaths between kisses
Press hands against chest
I feel my name each time your heart rest
Is this love?
This is love
Please be love
Please be something more than feelings
More than notions
Dripping like tears into catatonic oceans
I swim in you
Breathing
Drowning serendipity
Beautiful absurdity as I find that outside of dreams you’re here with me
And I
I want my body to be your home
Sleep against your skin and wake up to your Sun
See
We were lovers before creation
Paved the foundation for future generations
Together we built the first nation
And forever you will be my King
I lose myself in this daydream
I lose myself in the senselessness of your touch
Lose myself in the one thing I’ve wanted so much
Is this love?
Please be love
I’ve found love
In this feeling




...Thank you Corrine Bailey Rae for the inspiration :)...

...It's Been Awhile...

Today I looked at these empty pages and wondered what happened. What happened to the words that use to fill the spaces and somehow told the secrets I hide from myself? Maybe I stopped feeling or been so busy trying not to that I’ve forgotten that I still do it.

I never wanted to be a poet. I just always wanted to be real. To make sense of the tears. Make sense of the heartache and love I feel. This was never about mastering a craft. This was always about not feeling alone. See, the thing about poetry is you can never tell who this is about. What if these were all my stories? What if they were about someone else? Would it change the way you read between the lines? Would you be willing to write about what you hide in the dark?

Peace and Beautiful Beginnings

...With Me...

I touched your lips
Rose petal kisses like he loves me and loves me not
I tasted you like past as moments became new
And we shared love stories
That weren’t quite poetic
Made love feel like forever as good byes exhausted tears
And pretend that pain doesn’t lend motivation to the pen
Tomorrow was an illusion that feelings left behind
What ifs and could have beens
Touched on moments that never existed
Filled new dreams with hopes
As notes crescendo across lines like songs never wrote
I wanted you to feel different
To me
Pretend that this wasn’t love
And you weren’t hurt
Placed my arms around you
Whispered heartbeat secrets into ears that I pray the world never hears
You were my soul and I was your fear
And together we were perfect
Two shattered pieces looking for love to make us whole
I’d give you the world if it meant that much to you
Give you my heart if you promise this won’t be good bye
And touch the sky if you fly
With me

...14...

It was innocence his hands were looking for
Searching for as his fingers laced the outline of her breast
She breathed deeply
Hoping someone would hear her weeping
As his hand began creeping down the side of leg
She prayed
To a God she barely knew anymore
Asked for her mother to walk through the door
For anyone to stop this man from raping her
She cried
Even when tears no longer made sense
Cried as his hands moved more aggressively along her breast
Felt his pants touch where her panties use to rest
She prayed for death to calm the heartbeat in her chest
Prayed until she found herself begging
Begging against the clasp of his hand against her lips
Could taste the fear that dripped from his pores
As his other hand explored the womanly frame of her 14 year old body
Couldn’t believe that her father was the man who laid between her knees
Or that God would once again deceive her
He said she asked for this
Asked to be touched in ways he no longer touched her mother
Started with gentle strokes at night when he tucked in her covers
Moved to him brushing against her in ways that made her shudder
Then threatening to beat her if she ever told another
Because after all she was his daughter and he is the father
And what they do
Nobody needs to know
Pushing against her as far as he could go
He tore her heart
And watched her bleed
Gave her nightmares instead of dreams
Burned a hole in her soul that her mother would never believe
And carefully wiped her tears as he got up to leave

...She...

Stuck in the memories of you…then I
The way our bodies rised
I remember how she & I
Touched
I remember the way she felt
How her body laid before me
Barely giving feelings to the words she created
I unraveled the complex syntax she hid behind
Undressed her with words as my lips created emotions against her journal’s spine
She was my first
Lover
Laid with her on top of woven covers
We touched each other in ways the world would no longer recognize
Beyond the sight of human eyes
I gave her intimacy without opening my thighs
Gave her pleasure beyond a sexual guise
Hazed over highs from limerick style lies
So often I would run and hide
From her
And the memories
So bittersweet what she became to me
An art form that loves so freely
I had to give her space to be
In hopes that her feelings will only belong to me
She’s was my…..
Everything
My regrets
My apologies forgets
The breath that saved me from living safely
I give her pen strokes as my heart beats race in
Letters that I haven’t read to anyone
Words I will someday give to one
She’s my mistress for reality
And I reward her with sensitive gratuity
She’s everything I never believed
And I love her beyond empty lines dressed on sheets of cream
Loved her before the world paid attention to me
Loved her because Life is what poetry means

...Left...

Lips
Tongues
I taste the inside of your mouth like words that dare not come out
I feel you call for me
Like moans that repeat
Breathing
Lungs heavy as
Seeking
The ramifications of mental stimulation
I’ve got your mind
Open
Wide souls
Fucking you while still clothed
Whispered so loud that everybody knows
What’s going on between my tongue
And your body
Like art I paint you
Decorate you with kisses like empty canvases
My sensations appreciate the way your fingers scratch my skin
And grab
My hair
Have people stop and stare while you beg me not to
Do all the things your body wants me to
Do
You think of me?
Outside of Midnight’s day dreams?
Moments when your body doesn’t belong to me
And I am more than a touch away?
Heartbeats longing for me to stay
As I play your orgasms like songs on repeat
This has become something more than late night sex creeps
Where I don’t stay long enough to place wrinkles in your bed sheets
You’ve become attached to our chemistry
While I’m still attached
To nothing
Arms wrapped around my waist
Back to chest
Unable to face the feelings you’ve placed between us
Sun is coming up
Where does reality leave us?
Just two people in need of
Two completely different things
Our illusion has changed
Felt the shift after the last time you said my name
Too many strings attached to a heart that doesn’t feel the same
That night you came
And I
Left

...Two Shots...

His life was in my hands
A breeze colder than blood stained concrete greeted the silence against my brow
Sweat kissed the inside of my palm as my finger began to ache between decision and trigger
Legs tired of pushing my foot against his back
His breathing irritated my ego
Infuriated the emotions I hid under my uniform
I was questioning my judgment
Thinking about the swell of left hand knuckles after beating his whereabouts with fist
Stared at blood he spit after I pushed frustration into his chest
Him declaring innocence only defined my guilt
Refused to fight back
Placed hands on steering wheels before my command
Didn't hesitate to comply with the bullshit I gave him
His record clean of society’s indecencies but I still had a point to prove
That skin the color of this country's deceit shall never be free on my beat
Shall never speak to me under the impersonation of equality
You are nothing but a slave in freeman’s clothing
The irrevocable mistake we made by calling you human shall be redeemed in the beauty of your death
Justice lives within my forefathers' breath
You will always be less than
The species some audacious muthafucka dared called a man
You niggers is this nation's regret
And the only way to pay your debt is by the blood of open wounds
Two shots in the head is the only love I have for you
No longer relying on your people to assassinate you
This is what policemen were hired to do

...The End...

Six
Warmth coated the insides of my throat as death resonated in my chest
Swallowed answers
Took deep breaths and waited
Silent
Anticipated immediate satisfaction as the insides of stomachs contracted
Cried tears as wombs convulsed and shook sense into me
This was not how the end was supposed to be but I chose it
Sweating
Waiting against the sides of tubs as eyes cloud over with regret
Fingers numb like tongues that wish to beg for help
I felt myself
Slipping
Between reality and sleeping
Cradled arms around nothing
Held on to the emptiness of your promise
That I would not be like the other girls
Pregnant
A statistic on paper
The one who allowed society to rape her
Impregnate her with this illegitimate excuse of his deceit
This was not how tomorrow was supposed to be
So I wait for today to end
Cold
Sheets of tiles remind me of the way he entered me without consent
Suppressed my limbs and forced kisses upon my skin
He took my innocence
Dared me to cry when I wanted to scream
Fingers wrapped around my neck as his body laid in between my hell and
Free
Hands
Shaking
Tears leaking as kicks suspend and cease to exist
Red anger drips sweat against me
Teeth clenched
Waiting for the end to get me
Six times he entered me
Without permission
Six times I asked for help but nobody would listen
Six pills will give me the hope prayers no longer mention
Swallowed
The answers nobody seem to have
This man is the epitome of justice
The yes when I was screaming no
The one who was let go because I didn’t take the time to get to know
Him
But why is he the victim when his crime lives within
Me
Barely…..breathing
Heartbeats…leaving
Bright lights receding as crimson pools aren’t a part of me
Dreaming
This isn’t how it was supposed to be
This wasn’t how it was supposed
To end

...My Apology...

Maybe this is regret
Remorse filled sorrow of the actions that took place and the words later shared
Maybe this is the breaking of hearts once realized you don’t care
Or the truth that always resided there
Inconsiderate of the love that is given until none remains
Or you treating me like the women who have already came
And gone
I want to imagine that you know how it feels to feel
Understand the struggle between self and what’s real
That not all people are able to deal with giving themselves to someone whole heartedly
Now every part of me wishes the past never was
Wishes that we hadn’t grown so close and apart in a matter of hours
Wishes I had more power over my senses
Wishing that I never mentioned the confessions on my heart
I’m not asking you to love me
I’m just asking you to give a fuck about my feelings
And as anger rises to the top of emotions I’d rather not deal with
I find myself suspended in between tears and despise
You aren’t the man I fell for
And maybe I should have allowed more time
Or opened my eyes and saw the realness that is you
But sometimes even lies hide behind the perception people give you
So this is me saying sorry to you
I’m sorry for falling
Sorry for giving you parts of me I’ve only shared with self
Sorry for waking up to think of you and no one else
Sorry for being available to you within a moments breath
Sorry for not walking away from you
Because now I know it would have been best

...Everything...

Looking at the bigger picture
Reviewing the smile behind its purpose
Laugh hues as we think of past memories repainted anew
Yet I forget the details
Over look your heart with selfishness newly defined
Erase the lines between space and time and no longer recognize the scars against the canvas
I refuse to see the pain
Relax the truth into the darkest corners of my mind and enjoy the delusion of infatuation
My consideration for you is none
The words you speak mean nothing
And the love you give will never be enough
So I paint with your tears and sketch with your thoughts
Remove the You that was never in Me and realize that this is me hurting you because I hurt
I want to feel something deeper than love for you
Something better than overstanding as you attempt to innerstand me
And I’ve become too demanding of you over self
Sometimes I just want to feel nothing at all
Walk away detached from my weaknesses
As hearts beat out of sequence and I find myself standing alone
Again
This time is the next time all over again
As beautiful as the first tear begin
We burned holes through words and said all we shouldn’t say
This isn’t love
This is two people fighting to be anything but alone
My misery is your company
And your pain is my shadow
This wasn’t but we made it be
Pressing against the delicate fabrics of time
We spend moments convincing each other of a love we no longer believe in
You deserve better than me
Better than the confusion between 4 walls of Hell
Fighting a battle we lost so long ago
Pretending selfishly that we still have chemistry
I’ve become your worst enemy
The reason for your prayers as you grab at the unseen
Crying softly as you refuse to leave
I’ve become everything you never wanted me to be

...One...

Reaching for you on the empty side on my bed
Somehow forgetting that you are not there
But remembering the warmth of your lips against mine
The taste of late night confessions as words found their way to linked souls
I touched you against an orange moon
Lit stars ablaze as we switched between promises of now and thinking of tomorrow
Soft moans lingered in the emptiness of forever
And now the shadow of your kiss replays love songs against my memory
For the night we lost time in each others eyes
Lost ourselves in each others embrace
And sighed traces of worries against moonstruck skin
This is more than missing you
This is me clutching sheets for your touch
Replacing cold nights with the heat of your memory
Listening to the softness of your whisper against the wants of my heart
Tell me
When you sleep tonight will your dreams think of me?
Will your fingers reach for the sweetness of my touch?
Will you open your eyes and envision me in the darkness?
Will you miss me as much as I am missing you?
But see, this is more than missing you
This is me afraid to let go of yesterday because nothing is promised today
Sometimes we fall even when love isn’t ready to catch us
Controls us through our resistance to accept
And holds us as we pour feelings over heartbroken wounds
Truthfully
We are the greatest love story that will never be
The beauty of hope that I wish was more than a dream
You are everything to me
The softest spoken words that beat from my heart to my mind
The reality behind the illusion of time
And for the night you were mine
And I was yours
We were one